I guess I was kidding myself
thinking that I had somehow
escaped the curse that I was born to

that maybe I'd overcome
the way you see me now and then and
for all the years to come

because I thought this time
you swore you had missed me
I thought this time
you were so happy to be with me
I thought this time
I might actually be something
but like everyone and every time before I saw you with her

I guess I was kidding myself
thinking the rhinoceros
could escape absurdist theater

that maybe I'd somehow transformed
from what I really am
to the ingenue that finishes first

because I thought this time
you were holding my hand at the bar cause you liked me
and not because you were drunk
and we were the only ones, so barely in public

I remember your eyes
squinted you seethed that I was out of my mind
if I thought you didn't care at all
I believed you but I was wrong

because I'm
part of the bench
a casual convenience
waiting for you
to hear back from the main screw

on the line
oh yeah hook line and sinker
I swallowed you down
I just open my mouth
and my thoughts fly out

what was I
thinking when I daydreamed
that we'd end up together
staying forever
hitting in a quiet routine?
who was I
kidding when I saw the future
you and me embroiled
in domesticity

what the fuck
I thought I was smart
I thought I learned my lesson
the first 30 times but I was just a
dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb slut

the best part of the night
was when you didn't deny it
you told me her name
the girl in the light
the girl with whom you came

I just hope she saw
the hickeys on your neck
It took all my will
not to glare you to death

I can't believe
you wouldn't even speak to me
I guess I'll believe
you couldn't even look at me

but how blind is she
if she couldn't see
your semen's still inside of me
your smell is still all over me