my newfound chronic disillusionment
strikes every ten minutes,
but hit every five today.
I don't want what I want,

and everything in here is banal.
I have to force myself
into apathy
in order to convince myself
that I don't mind my kingdom's crumbling
my devirginisation of paradise.

perhaps it's been this way all along,
but if it has, never before have i noted
or felt the need to scream so loudly.