sometimes, i surprise myself. this week i do. i'm cruel. i'm really well liked. the leaves are falling and so am i...but into what? certainly couldn't be love. might be deep introspection, but i have made a brilliant new friend. i'm inspired to be more than i am and i wish i would try a little harder, because i'm turning into someone else i know, who is wonderful but lets people down so often...i want to please. i want to know what's going on and i don't want to embarass you when i tell you that i think you put on weight and i don't want to embarass myself when i tell you i'm not really sure what you want and i've been made self conscious as all fuck and i'm not sure what i want to do but i will give it my damndest as i can't even figure out what i like anymore...

i need some help sorting this out.