Halmooky: i dunno

Halmooky: just outside

6: what was out there then

Halmooky: nothing

Halmooky: just air

Halmooky: and bugs

6: i see. how very spiritual.

Halmooky: right?

Halmooky: i feel very empty

Halmooky: like i should be full up of something

6: hmmmm

6: spiritually or emotionally or physically

Halmooky: all?

Halmooky: i don't know whats going on tonight

Halmooky: i am supposed to go out tomorrow...but i don't even want to

6: then don't.

Halmooky: i have to

Halmooky: i can't sit here and wallow in all of this self pity

Halmooky: i have to doll myself up

Halmooky: and look like a peach

Halmooky: and go out

Halmooky: and get hit on by spanish men

6: then maybe you should sit there and do something more constructive

Halmooky: lol such as?

Halmooky: i'm such a piner, you know?

6: i don't know because i don't know what sorts of activities you have in your life

6: or what is available to you

6: but living in reach of new york city i suspect it is quite a bit

Halmooky: i can do anything i want

6: maybe you should just do something for once that doesn't involve the same prescription of hedonism and debauchery?

Halmooky: every time i try that, i fail.

6: cos it seems like that's all you do.

Halmooky: i have nothing to do

Halmooky: anything i think is real...its not

6: for someone who lives in a city which is so filled with things to do and is very exciting you seem to do the usual.

Halmooky: i have crazy delusions like that, i suppose

6: what, aside from parties? or drinking or fucking or scoring gear?

6: hmm perhaps.

6: perhaps you need to find a new crowd

Halmooky: like....these guys

Halmooky: some of them i think i really might care for

Halmooky: and then i realize i can't

Halmooky: because i don't know them

Halmooky: i just like the idea of them

6: maybe you shouldn't concentrate so much on sexual things

Halmooky: i don't have a tie to anything except my music

Halmooky: and nobody loves it

Halmooky: so how can they love me.

Halmooky: i'm like a book...you read me and throw me away

6: like make friends that aren't just hot, but actually have cool interests or something and like them for their interests... and then fuck them.

Halmooky: its dull once you've got past that

Halmooky: i've done that

6: well maybe you ought to be a choose your own adventure instead.

Halmooky: i fuck that all up

Halmooky: don't worry

6: maybe it's not that

6: maybe it's just that you have bad timing.

Halmooky: maybe

Halmooky: maybe i'm just not cut out for this shit

6: maybe you need to get out of new york

6: and give up everything

6: no emotional baggage

6: make new contacts and do simple things.

6: and then you can decide a bit more concretely what it is that you want and REALLY enjoy

6: rather than what is expected of you.

Halmooky: i can't leave new york

Halmooky: i've got school

Halmooky: home

Halmooky: the only way i can leave

Halmooky: is if i have HIV

6: you can eventually

Halmooky: and i get disowned and get to go to some other place

Halmooky: don't you ever feel this way?

Halmooky: as though youve just failed too often

Halmooky: and you're just...very very alone

6: maybe maybe i did. i sorted a few things out though and found the things that i really enjoyed and set goals for myself to work towards. and now i don't anymore.

6: because let's face it, we all make mountains out of molehills and we're all full of shit.

6: and in the grand scheme of things our lives are very meaningless, so i think - and i am trying - that we should try to do something to help out other people and make some sort of a difference other than wallowing in our own self pity or suffering from excessiveness or anything like that.

Halmooky: i know in the grand scheme of things we're very meaningless

Halmooky: but its horrible for me personally to think too much on the grand scheme of things

6: perhaps - but if you see that, then just realise that job 1 is finding what it is to make you happy

6: and if you aren't happy

6: then something needs to change

6: and you need to find different things to do.

Halmooky: because when i look at myself in regard to the grand scheme of things i'd like to record a couple of tracks, fucking slit my throat and go finish my codeine and be done with it.

Halmooky: there's nothing for me to do

6: well that's ridiculous

Halmooky: it's all quite mundane

Halmooky: i mean

Halmooky: no matter what group you're in

Halmooky: there's one central focus

6: you don't have any ambitions to see the rest of the world or antyhing?

Halmooky: not particularly

6: or at least experience something you haven't yet?

Halmooky: i'm really not terribly ambitious

Halmooky: i have extremely low standards for myself

6: well then what do you think you can or should do about that

Halmooky: i don't really know

Halmooky: settle, i suppose.

Halmooky: tis always the way to go

Halmooky: just take some pepto bismal for the mind

Thank you very much, Josh. You always help me sort out my shit in an eloquent fashion.