it's time to seize back my voice. i walked approximately 8 miles tonight, and i realized...i'm not doing drugs. i'm not skinny anymore. i can't score with all of the beautiful people. I had the jazz standard Misty (as sung by Ella Fitzgerald) in my head. Billy was bellyaching about walking...

It dawned on me that I am neglecting myself. I'm not writing. I'm empty inside and I can't figure out what to do to fill the gap. I need a new swing thing...I need to stop watching stupid sitcoms and calling people all over the country and cut my stomach open and read what it says in my liver and my lungs.

I remembered I wanted to tell my friend to listen to some Cole Porter, especially "love for sale" because he'd probably appreciate great ladies singing the blues. He said he was going into AIM retirement tonight, said " I'm a real mess and I can't deal with people very well right now. I'm going to be taking some time off, not turning on my AIM for a while. I love you and promise I'll be back when I've sorted myself out." My arse. I wonder what all of it means, sometimes. I shouldn't complain. I like him very much but he's just like you...Every way. I think that's why I liked him so much to begin with. He's like you only...he likes me. Which is very unlike you.

The reason I walked so much is because I went to a show at the local library. I asked a lot of people to join PPS, because it's become so lost and we really need some solid players. I'm still kind of sore from being thrown out of sunshine...but it's okay. We were looking for Kings point park and got lost.

I wish i had a little music in me, but it's lost somewhere in this big hole i've become.