futile futile futile poetry and no future at anywhere and nobody and FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING BITCH RUINED MY WHOLE GODDAMNED LIFE and not that it matters parce que personne ne m'aime pas, c'est vrai....(portishead)...look at this, look at this swimming in self pity look at those names, those christian names, listed in a row, look at the ones i left out, look at how socially acceptable it is look at how straight i've become how conservative just STARE and wonder about that word tattooed into my bloodstream wonder if it's just a temptoo or if it's for real and go on ask yourself if mama's gonna tuck you in and make everything all right. i can give you all the answers, i deserve to know them, i deserve everything i have gained.

if only i'd been superstitious i wouldn't be so sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad.