I wonder now
if I look the way
you loved me to look
back when you loved me
however I looked?
Back when I was
barely beyond a child
a living doll
with rosy accents on
my stuffed cheeks.

Do you approve of
how my hair is long
and wrinkled,
like when it fell over the bed
tumbled down my back
tickled your chest
and do you remember
your face when i cut it
dyed it
annihilated it?

You may not,
but I do.
When I took that first chunk
and squeezed my scissors tight
I felt free, like something was leaving
and when you saw
blonde hair all strewn and gone
chopped red remaining
you betrayed yourself.

Funny how I always
worried about my weight;
how my hips felt cupped in your hands
how difficult it was for you
to hold me up against a wall
and all you cared about
was my long hair
uncombed and curled from chemicals
fine and gold.
And when it was gone I was not worth as much.

12/18/04