i saw her tonight and there was a bit of melancholy hiding in the air in humidity's clothing. there was happy and excited and subdued love, its always there, that subdued love. and it seemed alright, until suddenly there seemed to be an abrupt thought...and it hung in my head (i can't believe i could be losing something so important and real in my life.) it seems surreal, and it was hanging there, that foreboding of loss, that sense of using time well, a feeling of "the last days of summer."

the surprising thing of no change, no love lost, no pace or place gone wasn't as surprising as i thought. i feel safe and comfortable and i wish i could be sure i would find the same thing with another person soon. simple love doesn't come easily, though. i think, at this point, the biggest fear i have, beyond death or anything else is not to ever have it again, and to be plauged forever by the way i took it for granted. my consolation is that i can believe that even after a seven week absence, there is still a sweet bond, not really sisterly, but similar. perhaps even 20 years from now i always will remember how it feels.1