Open letter to the men who don't need a minister to call them a groom (or something like that)

Okay, so I'll admit to spending at least half a year of my life obsessing over each and every one of you. Which is ironic, because looking back on it, I created many situations for us where I led myself to believe you were nicer people than you actually are, and for that, I can only apologize to myself.

However, to you, I can say that I can't play your game anymore. As of April 1, 2004, I will be officially touching base. That is to say, I am not playing. I'm catching my breath, reassessing the playground, reassessing the players. I'm doing that now, but I'll still go out on a stint or two. I'm no good at cold turkey, especially since I'm also quitting smoking (the only thing that has lasted as long as one of you ;) ).

I don't know anymore if any of you read this. Once upon a time there was evidence that you did. I am sure that the one who has spurred this decision certainly does not, but I would like to say anyway, to him, I felt like I was capable of falling in love with you, if you'd been willing to give up what you had here and run away with me.

I should've known that some of the rest of you would use the effect you know damned well you have over me to drag me into the dirt with you again. It's fine, I don't mind as long as you got me drunk at the time, but alas, it's time that I've got to let some of you old habits go...and everyone except dmitri is O-U-T.

So this is just my open letter to say that even though I really enjoy your company, all of your company, you're driving me insane and quite frankly, I'll be better off rid of the lot of you. You're everything I hate in other people, but through your beauty you have weaseled your bastardly selves into my heart, but I can't allow you to stay. You drag me down and you keep me tied to you, sitting at home waiting for a phone call, driving around your neighborhood until your mom leaves...it's bullshit, and I'm sick of it. Most of you live with your parents, are poorly educated, if educated at all, have no money but beyond any of that, you have no respect for me, or for women in general. The kind of man I attract is a scumbag, and I realize now that all of you are scumbags, in your own special ways. Keep smiling pretty boys, you'll trick some other dumb little girl who's too young to know better into treating you right...but it's adios from me.

So yea, I'm going to go listen to some Rilo Kiley and get ready for round two of intensive doctoring. These tears are for you.

-X