this weight related monster inside me, they call them lenas or something, norma called her monster marilyn, and anyway, mine's called lena, i guess, and lena is eating away at me with all the vigor of an underfed wolf. she saw her reflection in the pool today and unlike narcissus she couldn't fall in love with her image because it had changed into something strange surplus needing to be subdued

and so i have been having dreams about climbing stairs, crying and staying in bed...dreams that he's dying or dead...and after every dream i wake up and lena takes a hold of me before i can fall back asleep.