i realized who i have turned into. it's funny, because i have always wanted to be her, but now that i have become her, Lady Brett Ashley doesn't seem like such a wonderful person to be. She's incredibly bright, true, but only when it is necessary for her to shine, and she is adored but only in moderation, and can never truly be in love...

she can't be trusted, she's strange and exciting, intoxicatingly sexual....yet she is so alone...she can only use and be used, except by jake. but look at her relationship with jake, it's just longing and unfufilled potential. i am worried that if i attempt to enter into a relationship with one who might very possibly be my jake, it will become what jake and lady ashley's relationship is...sadness, and longing...but no real relationship in any case. but if this is jake, then who the fuck was boy #1? sir ashley? michael? robert cohn?