So what leads people to destroy each other in this manner? Why can't we just settle with the people we love and be happy? I realize now, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship for some of us, because affection is never balanced, and for some of us, it is impossible to love those that love us, and impossible for those we love to love us. This dilemma has plagued me since I was 11 years old. Before that Andrew Rivera seemed to like me just fine, and I liked him just fine. We danced to the theme from Dirty Dancing and hugged and innocently rolled around pretending we were on one of those HBO movies. Coincidentally, I heard about a year ago that he's gay.

I'm sick of this stigma I've attached to myself. I don't understand why I can't even like someone after I share anything with them. Maybe it's because I really don't know anyone in the way I think I do. Yesterday, I was in the park with Jeremy and for the first time I felt like our relationship was really beautifully platonic and easy. We didn't fight and he wasn't mean and it wasn't awkward. We just walked and sat and sometimes talked about everything and anything. I like having friends like that. I miss being able to say "I love you" and not have it be taken to mean "I am in love with you" because I love most of my friends, but I'm not in love with any of them.

Welcome to the world of the sick and tired female scumbag. I attach no importance to anything because I've been trained by everyone I thought I loved that my feelings really don't matter, so I'm better off not having them. Here's to one nighters and loneliness.