Well isn't it so obvious to everyone but me
exactly what is happening to my heart
I didn't realize when I signed that form
it meant you'd all be playing kickball with it from now on

and I bend forward as it pumps in my chest
bruised and bleeding and leaking it's whimpering
thud thump thud thump thud thump I won't fall in love again

and I guess I should've sworn you in
to make sure your testimony was true
and not some lip service the kind you love to give
everything but your goddamned self

and as I walk out the door I can hear you laughing
and giggling and snorting and squealing and squeaking
ha ha ho ho he he "Oh God, What a FOOL she is!"

and everything I try to master fails
from that dish I made to the evening I tried to crash my car and die but got nervous at the last second and
cut the wheel back onto the highway

because my brain was just too tired
of thinking and trying and exhausting all the possibilities
"Stupid girl, what sorts of dreams have you been pushing on me?"

"Just drink your drink," my stomach says
"and we'll block it all out," say my ears
and as for my eyes they just close up real tight
and they see what they feel like seeing
and my feet catch a cold so my nose and my throat
can just cease for a while
and my lungs take the smoke and make balloons
for the cancer cells when they grow older
and my mind she shuts down
and my gut he sucks in
and my cunt opens wide and lets that fuck in
and my heart in the center of me is screaming
PLEASE GOD PLEASE JUST STOP IT PLEASE

thud thump thud thump thud thump I won't fall in love again
And "Goddamned right" I say as I strangle him.