so for the first time in a long time, someone actually asked me if i was seeing anyone, but not in that way, but at least someone was concerned....but it got me nostalgic and sad and so i fell back into these old letters and pored over them and remembered how pretty he was and then people started mentioning someone so i've been going off and off about it...theres no point in keeping it a secret; she is a spiteful vindictive bitch. i guess i am that liz phair song, "fuck and run"...I want a boyfriend, i want all that stupid old shit, like letters and soda...i can feel it in my bones i'm going to spend another year alone, it's fuck and run, fuck and run, even when i was 17...

and it's so pathetically true. the funny thing is there are guys i could see myself seeing, but they don't have any fucking time for me, so i guess i couldn't see them, and i'm terrible at this all and i think i should lie down and stop worrying about it.