i am in eli's skin dripping away and finally i understand why he twitches and yells and crows like a goddamned dog. i finally understand why he's so weird and i want to be with him so much.

i want to help. frustration is such an ugly word and so white and daunting. this big barrier, berlin wall, overnight BANG! there it is and you can't scale it, especially not at night. no difference between 6,000 or 25 miles it's too dark and too impossible to even try.

all you can do is sympathize and want and feel this burning in your belly as they whisper and smile beautiful messages in your ears....