Existential crisis

Halmooky (11:50:51 PM): augh andy

Andy (11:51:02 PM): something wrong?

Halmooky (11:51:14 PM): if i were any more ridiculous i might start spewing manifestos

Andy (11:51:28 PM): hey!

Halmooky (11:51:52 PM): i have wrinkles =(

Andy (11:52:01 PM): aww

Andy (11:52:07 PM): so?

Andy (11:52:08 PM): that can be appealing

Halmooky (11:52:10 PM): and my only friend is a man who killed himself 30 years ago

Andy (11:52:13 PM): believe it or not

Andy (11:52:22 PM): lol

Andy (11:52:36 PM): well I consider myself your friend :-P

Andy (11:52:45 PM): that may not be worth much but it's something

Halmooky (11:53:06 PM): thanks =)

Halmooky (11:53:17 PM): but its rough when you're 500 miles away

Halmooky (11:53:23 PM): my only friend right here rightnow

Andy (11:53:26 PM): :-(

Andy (11:53:29 PM): I know

Halmooky (11:53:35 PM): who will be here with me

Halmooky (11:53:40 PM): has been dead for 30 years

Halmooky (11:53:45 PM): and killed himself

Andy (11:53:46 PM): well someday I'll live in NYC and be alarmingly close to you :-P

Halmooky (11:53:50 PM): and that says a lot

Halmooky (11:53:51 PM): lol

Andy (11:53:53 PM): that's rather odd

Halmooky (11:54:00 PM): i was supposed to go on a date tonight

Andy (11:54:03 PM): lol

Halmooky (11:54:23 PM): isn't that odd? i should be having sex right now.

Halmooky (11:54:28 PM): instead...

Andy (11:54:35 PM): well

Halmooky (11:54:39 PM): i'm no longer speaking to one of my better friends

Andy (11:54:41 PM): we all wish we were having sex

Halmooky (11:54:41 PM): no date

Halmooky (11:54:43 PM): no opium

Halmooky (11:54:45 PM): no nothing

Andy (11:54:51 PM): but it sometimes doesn't work out that way

Andy (11:54:57 PM): awww

Andy (11:54:57 PM): well hell

Andy (11:54:59 PM): you must have something to look forward to

Halmooky (11:55:27 PM): nothing to look forward to-- thats why i'm so depressed

Halmooky (11:55:31 PM): i'm an existentialist

Halmooky (11:55:34 PM): and i have no godot

Halmooky (11:55:41 PM): it's the most awful feeling in the world

Halmooky (11:55:49 PM): the interrum meaning has been sucked from my life

Andy (11:55:49 PM): hmmmmm

Andy (11:55:52 PM): well

Andy (11:56:00 PM): you gotta create something of your own that nobody can take away, then

Halmooky (11:56:02 PM): and all i am left with is the bleak ultimate nothingness

Halmooky (11:56:07 PM): i had things

Halmooky (11:57:33 PM): i write.

Halmooky (11:57:38 PM): i've just been printing and editing

Halmooky (11:57:43 PM): i've been singing and hoping

Andy (11:57:48 PM): yeah

Andy (11:57:50 PM): well

Halmooky (11:57:50 PM): it's to no avail

Halmooky (11:57:53 PM): it's all so...

Andy (11:57:56 PM): that's how I am basically

Halmooky (11:57:57 PM): masturbatory

Andy (11:58:00 PM): I haven't gotten anywhere with it

Andy (11:58:03 PM): yeah I know what you mean

Halmooky (11:58:07 PM): art is masturbatory

Andy (11:58:07 PM): you just have to keep plugging away

Andy (11:58:13 PM): yeah almost always

Halmooky (11:58:23 PM): i don't really want to...there's no real reason for me to be doing it

Halmooky (11:58:46 PM): i just do it to pass the time now, i think. i don't even believe what i write

Andy (11:58:51 PM): hmm

Halmooky (11:58:53 PM): i'm such a downer now.

Andy (11:58:56 PM): well

Halmooky (11:59:01 PM): i think i was more fun as a hedonist

Andy (11:59:04 PM): you just have to re-evaluate yourself

Andy (11:59:05 PM): lol

Andy (11:59:11 PM): hell sometimes I'm a downer

Andy (11:59:15 PM): lots of the time I think

Andy (11:59:19 PM): people are like that

Andy (11:59:22 PM): no reason to get hung up about it

Halmooky (11:59:24 PM): i know it

Halmooky (11:59:26 PM): it is

Andy (11:59:29 PM): just let it pass and flow through you

Halmooky (11:59:32 PM): yea

Halmooky (11:59:43 PM): i don't really know what's wrong tonight

Halmooky (12:00:02 AM): i think i was going to embark on a journey

Halmooky (12:00:05 AM): and it failed

Andy (12:03:04 AM): so what are we gonna do about this mess o yours?

Halmooky (12:03:13 AM): i don't know andy

Halmooky (12:03:19 AM): i need to start something new

Andy (12:03:31 AM): hmmmm

Andy (12:03:37 AM): a new art or discipline maybe?

Halmooky (12:03:40 AM): i was going to start opium

Andy (12:03:49 AM): lol

Andy (12:03:53 AM): oh yeah

Halmooky (12:03:55 AM): no im serious

Andy (12:03:57 AM): great idea

Andy (12:03:57 AM): sheesh

Halmooky (12:04:03 AM): i was going to go score tonight

Halmooky (12:04:05 AM): but

Andy (12:04:05 AM): that's madness

Halmooky (12:04:08 AM): that fell through

Halmooky (12:04:13 AM): it's beautiful

Andy (12:04:16 AM): good ;-)

Halmooky (12:04:16 AM): sometimes

Halmooky (12:04:33 AM): i think drug addiction is the most beautifully paradoxal form of existentialism

Andy (12:04:43 AM): heheh

Andy (12:04:47 AM): well I guess you're entitled

Halmooky (12:05:37 AM): think about it:

Halmooky (12:05:49 AM): it consumes your existance, it becomes your very being...

Halmooky (12:05:52 AM): but at the same time

Andy (12:05:57 AM): anything can

Halmooky (12:05:57 AM): it is completely unconscious

Andy (12:06:03 AM): some things take time though

Andy (12:06:10 AM): and it messes up your body and sometimes your nervous system

Halmooky (12:06:22 AM): yea

Halmooky (12:06:24 AM): i know

Halmooky (12:07:23 AM): and...what's with these guys

Halmooky (12:07:44 AM): i'm ready to close o ff to guys. it would give me immense satisfaction to just say "i'm gay" and be done with it

Andy (12:08:02 AM): lol

Andy (12:08:05 AM): beats me

Halmooky (12:08:22 AM): need a scene change...

Andy (12:09:25 AM): whatever brings you peace of mind I guess

Andy (12:09:34 AM): but try not to do it at the expense of your health if you can help it

Halmooky (12:09:51 AM): i hope it doesn'tcome to it

Halmooky (12:10:25 AM): sometimes

Halmooky (12:10:26 AM): it does

Halmooky (12:10:41 AM): everyone's your friend when you fall down

Halmooky (12:10:49 AM): it's when you cant stand up again

Andy (12:10:53 AM): nah I don't think so

Halmooky (12:10:55 AM): that they want nothing to do with you

Andy (12:11:05 AM): usually I find only the people that really give a shit will come near me

Halmooky (12:11:28 AM): everyone here lives for the drama

Halmooky (12:11:31 AM): i remember at a party

Halmooky (12:11:35 AM): i had an episode

Halmooky (12:11:59 AM): and people who wouldn't give me the time of day were checking to "see if i was chill"

Halmooky (12:12:15 AM): it makes me angry....but its interesting

Andy (12:12:33 AM): :-(

Andy (12:12:35 AM): that's nuts

Halmooky (12:12:47 AM): thats life

Andy (12:12:53 AM): life's nuts

Halmooky (12:12:59 AM): yes

Andy (12:17:44 AM): well

Andy (12:17:51 AM): I wish I knew something to do that could help

Andy (12:17:56 AM): but I'm seldom of any help to anyone :-P

Halmooky (12:19:02 AM): yea

Halmooky (12:19:04 AM): it's alright

Halmooky (12:19:11 AM): i'm just going to sleep i think

Halmooky (12:19:16 AM): thats what they say is good

Andy (12:19:24 AM): yeah sleep helps to calm the mind a bit

Halmooky (12:20:17 AM): i'm calm

Halmooky (12:20:18 AM): i hate it

Halmooky (12:20:19 AM): =(

Halmooky (12:20:24 AM): i need to be

Halmooky (12:20:28 AM): confused

Halmooky (12:20:30 AM): angry

Halmooky (12:20:32 AM): anything

Halmooky (12:20:36 AM): besides helpless

Andy (12:20:47 AM): :-(

Andy (12:20:51 AM): yeah

Andy (12:20:54 AM): that's the worst feeling

Halmooky (12:21:29 AM): youre telling me