Last night I had a terrible dream. I dreamed that for some reason I forgave Pan and we were together and fucking and enjoying life and we somehow decided to do it in my parents bed. So we had sex and it was good and my parents came in and they were like "Oh my god what are you doing?" so I had to explain...then I realized I hadn't had my period and I'd gained a lot of weight and I was pregnant. So I told Pan and he was like, "It's mine?" and I was like, I guess so, and so we started planning about it, because he didn't want me to get rid of it, and then I went to the doctor and he told me it was like 5 months old. And I hadn't seen Pan in 5 months but I had seen...Diamond Eyes. So I told Pan it was probably not his and he took off because he's a scummy bastard. Then somehow I found Diamond Eyes' number and his mom told me he couldn't see me. I asked why not and she was really upset, and said he'd been in an attack, and I started crying. She said he was not dead, but he was no longer the same Diamond Eyes, he was now like a 10 year old, he couldn't do anything for himself and couldn't be trusted. I asked if maybe we could try and she said she'd ask him. She begged me to keep her grandchild because she just wishes she could have one, and he would never be the same again. I went to MLA's house because I was so upset and confused and MLA held me and said I was crazy to want to get rid of the baby because it would make me too sad. MLA also reminded me how incredible it is that I got pregnant at all and MLA said he'd build me a house and we'd raise it together, because MLA always wanted kids. I was really happy and he built this house and this lady came by an it was Diamond Eyes's mom and she was so glad, and came to live with us. Slowly I convinced her to let me see him, maybe something could change and she said no, I clearly had a beautiful picture of who he was and she didn't want to change that. When I was sleeping I went into labor and the baby suffocated under the covers.