Dear John-
I would very much like to be your girlfriend but there are certain problems that I have considered that make your proposition impossible. I see you far too often (or not often enough when I want to), and if we were to break up (as most relationships inevitably do)...I would feel uncomfortable. Furthermore, there is your nasty meat habit, which frightens me. I've kissed guys who only eat cheese and sometimes I want to vomit. We would have to buy you some Payless shoes (don't worry, they're very stylish) before I could take you to a vegan restaurant. You're also not very pretty or tall, and although you have great potential, you probably would object to wearing skirts and makeup to prettify yourself.

I'm terribly sorry that I'm such a girl.