in my life, i find myself in ridiculous relationships. i can't believe how moronic this particular one is. i can't believe what a joke it is. i feel like i'm in a bad bukowski novel, and i want to laugh my head off but it would be too disrespectful. i'd like to pull a book off the shelf and stuff it in, but i cannot because it's there, biting my mind everyday, and me, and my big mouth i can't keep shut...and all i can do is smile and put up my hair and wear hefner tee shirts and smile again. i don't really know how to react or respond, i'm trapped in this one like a painted corner, like the relationship itself, it's one big painted corner and i think i'm losing my mind. i have to laugh and i can always talk to jesse...jesse's so smart. i need more friends like jesse.