Someone needs to sit me down
tie me up
restrain me
explain to me
that when I fall I should stay where I sat
not leap to my feet and brush myself off
to run towards the next little cliff

You're Mother's little Angel,
I realized last night
as I lay in bed
between you and your friend
and you pretended to sleep
you pretended not to care
that I was right there
and my attentions had been swayed

by Pan
in height, in mind, in bed.
He kissed me like Pan used to,
soft on the mouth
and seemed so scandalized when my lips
did not shy
but turned into a puckered smile
like the picture hanging in my mother's room.

And he fucked me
with Pan's cock
with encouragement
with my mind reeling in nostalgia for the good old days
and I wanted him to,
like Pan, because he was Pan
in the dark
and all I want is Pan.

I fell for him so easily
because he was so familiar,
his body so easily found
his mouth so readily open
and you pretended to sleep
we both knew
and I bit my lip and hugged you close
because regret is an emotion
that has no place in my life
anymore.