I think the worst part
was all those times
you told me
I don't even know what I want

because I did and I do
it was and is you
but I've always been afraid to tell you
because I always knew the truth

you strung me along
for so long
the ease of a girl who never says no
the ease of a girl who's terrified to do something wrong

and I am your consolation prize
always there at night
easy to hide easy to avoid

and shouldn't I know better
and shouldn't I want better
and shouldn't I be able to
not love someone so in love
with some idea of being a tragic figure

I'll always remember that seed you planted
in my mind that last time
you were actually nice

some pastoral scene
my childhood dream
acres and acres
filled with horses