it always starts so sudden
a word or a thought
a gesture some nothing

and then I am drinking
so thirsty they can't fill me
fast enough
drinking like I breathe
until the panic brims inside me

alone

its what I want desperately
its what I need
and its what I can't stand to be

I need
I need
I need

and I push and poke at everything
old scars old scabs
until they bleed

fallen back open
like it was yesterdayR a ghost haunting me
into my dreams

drift off fall asleep
wait for morning
when it will hit me