I spend every night in a different bed
so those fellows won't ever be close
and they'll hate me more when they come to learn
about the ones who have had me before

because I spent so many years worrying about their feelings
that I can't give a damn anymore
and I spent so many days repeating to my heart
"close it up, we won't fall again" that it worked

I spend every night trying to find that sleep
because I don't really want to wake up
I'll take any pill that you hand to me
just as long as I it will change how I feel for a while

because I spent so many years hurting myself
that I'm numb to it all now
and I watched so many of my friends go down
I said it should've been me, it could've been me

I said "Doctor! Put me on your fancy machine
and take a look inside you never know what you'll find!"
He says, "Girlie, you're healthy as I've ever seen
nothing wrong with your body to explain why you are
so harmful to yourself
no poisons seeping out."

I spend every night with a different man
because I can't be alone but I can't let them know me
it's lonely, it's lonely did you hear me
I am alone in most of my life

Because I spent so long forming this little world
that I thought it was all that I needed
and I spent so much time building up the wall
that the sunlight is gone, I can't grow anymore

Doctor! Put me on your couch
and I'll tell you the story maybe you'll figure me out
Doctor, just give me something
so I won't have to think and I won't have to dream
of the way things were
before
before this mess I've made.