Make it up to me Sunday
he says
and I agree

but does he know what I did saturday morning at 1:15
does he care that I had a room reserved for me
and bachelor number three

I can't do this to him again
hold hands with him though I feel no passion
I like the friend
I like the sex
its the awkward expectation I can't stand

the first sober night
he said
I am still hung up on someone else
and I held my tongue
because I needed him to help me forget my own mess
this apparition that has haunted me
for 4 years more or less
and I'm crazy
choosing the thing that is not real
the thing I try so hard for and cannot have
over the thing that makes me a key
and comes looking for me

but the heart wants what it wants
and I want to make it up to you Sunday
but just by sitting beside you in a movie
I don't know if that's a high enough price
but please
-please-
no hand holding