it's so easy
every time I shut my eyes
I can imagine you in your garden
singing to yourself
+ you don't see me
because it's like you never knew me at all

I imagine your house
and it's tiny + womb-like
trying to be beautiful
but traditionally tacky
+ I know it is beautiful
in my eyes

I can see yr goat
+ the ocean
+ the yellow flowers
I want you to have huge sunflowers
even though you have no seeds
(my fault)
wearing a snow white hat
you don't possess
(my fault)

It's like you're dead
in a way
if you were still here
I'd call you...somthing
Mama-
I can't say it to yr face

I know you know
because you came back once
but the bridge is burned
unless I get on a plane
(which I cannot)
pack some sunscreen
(which I cannot)

I want this ache in my stomach
to go away
I picture your face
+ my chest hurts
+I remember the angriest nights
and I can't lie in bed
because I feel like
only you can comfort me

I loved when you made me
spin
you'd clap your hands
and sing
how beautiful I would be
how beautiful I could be

So how come you left me?

8/12/04