every day I look in the mirror
and practice saying what I don't want to say
so I'll see my reaction

I imagine you saying what you always say
what you're going to say
on the day that you leave
when you break the news

I see the panic in my eyes
and I have to squash it
even a flicker, a second
and you will sense it

you can smell sadness
like dogs smell fear
and I don't want you to see through me