I threw myself into this
head first
harder than I should've
to avoid thinking
about any other thing

and now I feel myself slipping
into old habits
feel myself counting
when I chew
and when I walk
and feel myself smarting
over a day of four
but grinning over a day of three

I feel my back solidifying
I feel my chest hurting
I will do anything to be
different
I will do anything for this
to be over quickly

but it never ends
I knew it would just come back
I guess it never left
and this is the excuse I need

to do what I love and avoid all the blame
to run run run
to never stop trying
to make myself sick

and everyone thinks that it is because of you
but it's really just a part of me